If Only You Knew
by hrc808
Summary: Reita is in a downward spiral. He's consumed by depression, self harm, and a suicide attempt. How far will Ruki go in order to save the man he's always loved? Little does he know, Reita is also in love with him.


He steps back before kicking the door open.

When he walks inside, the lights are off and Ruki sees papers scattered across the floor. The lamp that was usually on the kitchen table is knocked over on the floor, the light bulb shattered. "Reita! Please! Where are you?"

Each time he calls out, Ruki grows more and more nervous. Please, please be ok. I would die if anything happened to you.

He sprints into Reita's bedroom but only finds more belongings strewn around the room. No, no, please anything but that.

Ruki runs even faster until he reaches the bathroom and forced the door open. Tears well in his eyes as he sees his closest friend lying limp on the bathroom floor.

"No, no, no" he mutters over and over to himself as he makes his way over to his body. Ruki kneels down and puts his arms around Reita's shoulders, shaking him as hard as he could.

He screams, "Reita! Reita, please! Wake up please!"

Ruki puts his hands near his friend's wrists to take a pulse, but all he can see are deep, red cuts along his arms and an empty bottle of medicine. "Reita no! I need you!"

He sobs harder and shakes his friend even more. "You can't leave me here!"

He leans closer, putting his face right above Reita's and his hands on his friend's cheeks. "Please Reita, don't leave me. I love you so, so much and I'll die if anything happens to you."

Ruki kisses his cheek and as he does, he feels a light breath on his cheek. "Reita! You're ok!"

Reita's eyes open and he begins coughing. "Please don't ever scare me again. I need you and I love you more than anything."

Reita breathes, "I'm sorry" as tears roll down his cheeks.

"You shouldn't be, I'm just happy that you're alive ok?"

Reita shakes his head but his lips form a frown.

"Reita, how many did you take?" The other male closes his eyes. "Please, answer me."

"I'm not sure."

"Ok well I hate to say it but you have to purge them."

"Ruki, no, I haven't done that for-"

"I know, I know. But you have to do it now, ok? I need you to do it. Please, do it for yourself and do it for me."

Reita begins crying hard before he nods his head, "If that's what will make you happy, then I'll do it."

"Thank you, thank you." He repeats over and over as he helps Reita to a seated position. Ruki kisses him gently on his forehead and says, "Ok I'm going to get you a glass of water and a washcloth to help clean you up." He doesn't say anything else as he leaves the room and shuts the door behind him.

As Ruki runs a washcloth under warm water, he can hear the sound of Reita coughing. He leaned over the sink and tries his hardest not to cry but tears still fall from his eyes.

He hears the faucet so he walks back in the bathroom. "Rei, did you do it?" Reita's eyes are red and his cheeks are puffy.

He bites back, "What do you think?"

"I'm sorry I just don't want anything bad to happen to you."

"Could've fooled me."

"If I did something wrong, just tell me so I can apologize, ok? For now just drink some water" He says as he hands Reita the glass. Ruki walks towards his friend and holds the washcloth firmly. "Ok Rei this might sting a little bit."

As the washcloth brushes over his open wounds, Reita grimaces in pain and bites down on his lips. Ruki whispers, "I'm sorry but I have to clean you up."

Reita hangs his head down and begins sobbing. "Rei why did you do it?" The other male shakes his head.

"Please, you know you can talk to me about anything, right?"

Reita thinks to himself, if you only knew the half of it. I wish I could talk to you about it, but I don't want to lose you.

Ruki washes the washcloth off and begins drying off his friend. He can't stop himself from crying. He pulls himself closer to Reita and embraces him while he whispers into his ear, "I love you so, so much. Please don't forget that."

But you'll never love me like I love you.

"Ok, let's go back to my place." Ruki says as he takes a step back.

"You don't have to t-"

"Yes, I do. There's no chance I'm leaving here without you." He guides Reita outside and helps him sit in the passenger seat, covering him with a blanket.

As he drives, Ruki watches Reita out of the corner of his eye and cries. "Rei, please just tell me what's wrong!"

"It's none of your business." Says Reita as he stares out the window and watches streetlights go by.

"Seriously? Reita, talk to me!"

"Why? It's not like you even care about me anyways."

"Reita, how can you say that?! Why do you think I'm here with you right now? It's because I care about you so much."

Reita doesn't say anything, he just closes his eyes and leans his head on the window.

"Please. Why can't you just explain it to me?"


End file.
